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Why Can't I Die Now?
everybody comes to me for advice,
i always am wondering why,
do i deserve for them to be so nice,
who do i go to when i need to cry?
who should i believe, when,
they say they don't lie?
should i wake up in the morning,
and say i should die?
i don't want to live this lie,
i jusy want to wake up,
every morning and cry.
i just want to die now.
why wont anyone let me die?
i am ready to die,
so please let me leave.
why can't i just die now?
Free January 15,2006
I'm free,
Like the birds in the sky,
Nothing holding me back,
And no more endless lies,
No more torture and pain.
All my sorrows lain.
I'm captivated by my own will,
To live or to die.
In the morning I lie,
With renewed hope and faith,
Of my desired laith.
I have set myself free,
To be whom I please,
Never again,
Will I lay my trust,
Or life,
In the hands,
Of any man,
This my adimidable trath,
Shall I do,
I will be forever doomed,
For then I shan't be free.
January 10,2006
I stuck my hands out,
Waiting for the officer to put them on,
Waiting patiently for the end,
Then came the cuffs,
The officer looked into my eyes for a moment,
In that moment he saw my life,
No regret for what I did,
He knew I did what I had to,
To save my own life,
Then he looked over at the ambulance,
Looked at the men loading the strecher,
With him on it.
He knew right then what happened,
He looked back at me,
Put the handcuffs back,
And gave me a push and said,
Get out of here,
I was free,
Free from the danger,
That I had my whole life.
Upset You
I don't always get what I want,
I don't always get what I need,
But no matter what I do,
You're always on the other side waiting for me.
Sometimes I say the worng thing,
And wonder why I said it,
But I know you wont be mad at me,
Because you know when I don't mean it.
I would never say anything,
Or do something,
That would make you cry,
Or make you feel like nothing.
I never wanted to upset you,
That wasn't my intention,
I know why I did this,
And it wasn't to get your attention.
So please forgive me,
For what I have done,
I made a mistake,
Just like everyone.
I love you,
And you know that,
I owe you my life,
And I'll repay my debt.
Every Word February 21,2006
(I dedicate this poem to my friend Kelsi who killed herself on February 18, 2006. she was a great friend)
All the time we were together,
She was always there.
No matter what happened,
She was my little bear.
We got into fights,
Every once in awhile,
But it wasn't too long,
Before we were happy again.
Even though I left,
We were still friends.
She was dear to me,
All the way to the end.
Even though she's gone,
In my heart she remains.
When I said we'd always be friends,
I meant every word,
So with me she stays.
Regret February 22, 2006
I never wanted to hurt you,
Like the way I did,
I never wanted,
To bring harm to you.
I tried my best,
To stay off your bad side,
But somehow I always got on it.
I never cheated on you,
Or used you to get someone jealous,
I stayed with you,
Becaused I loved you.
How things turned out this way,
I don't know.
You said we were meant to be,
But sometimes I can't help wondering,
Where I went wrong.
It always seems,
That I say the wrong thing to you,
Or my words don't come out,
The way they were suppose to.
But now I must ask,
A question from the past,
Do you regret any of it?
You
August 3, 2005
I always think of you,
And wonder if you ever think of me,
When I know that you always do.
I wonder what you'd say,
If you were here with me,
I imagine what you'd do,
And wonder what I'd say.
You're always kind to me,
You've always been patient with me,
Never demanding,
Only loving and caring,
And for that I love you even more.
It's a good feeling you give me,
The greatest joy I've ever known,
And for this I wont give you up,
No matter what you say or do.
I'm not in a hurry,
I can't be right now,
It's amazing you're not gone in a flurry,
You tell me you will wait till I'm ready.
You tell me to relax,
That you will never hurt me,
I trust you completely with my heart,
And I've loved you from the start.
I will love you forever,
You're now apart of me,
I hope that same goes for you,
Cause you're the only one who matters to me.
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